Abstractious - very Abstract

This Is Yours

2011-12-11T19:49:00.004-04:00

As I scour through
the power of
denial and
revival of
the spirit wins
the battle ends

A fresher start will
level up
the pieces of
survival clock
gone is all
a dirty job
relive it like
you had a fight
you had it right
double or nothing

Walking worked until the feet froze. Parking yourself will never bear the same feat. If that's what it took you to figure this out, then cut your fucking liver out.

Matter of the Flap

2011-06-28T20:30:00.003-03:00

Today, I dared to think. I thought to dare to think myself into thinking of self-reflection. Then, I reflected. Selflessly I caressed the nervousness in my nervous system. The veins weren't as jealous as I thought the thoughts would be.

To be created out of thin air is still creation. Existence is perceptive after all.

"somebody's paying the pied piper"

Whirlpool yourself to witness the eye of your eye. It's the third one that I speak of. Not the only one that matters. You run the oval to finish where you started. You find the pace altered, the tone altered, the mood altered by every yard. The sounds are, again, perceptive after all.

Listen carefully.

Slowly.

Chup.

Take What You Can Find

2011-01-28T00:21:00.002-04:00

Hello old friend.

If it were possible for you to ever snare the layers without care for the bathers, the fountain could be well positioned to sublimely create absolute-patterned ripples. It helps, it yelps in pleasure.

Negative silence is a positive. Takes might to make it right. Takes perseverance to level the boat. How hard can it be? Depends on how live your wire is and how much thump you can pump. Fever isn't rock-bottom, cancer isn't a deterrent and shalom to you as well.

The good half is left to the right. It's still half, but it's good. Enough, maybe? It did not come down to blowing spark-less shivers that couldn't color a broken tool for all the eastern reasons. And that's why I forgot the title of my next book.

Until I remember.

The Fruits That Killed Their Roots

2010-02-03T04:28:00.002-04:00

Every then and when, I blunder. A generation of sailors, carried by their saviors, into what would become (or what they assumed it was to become) undone without any brisk motion. Breaking every number into half, just like a folded paper, requires you to suck out the pulp of the living dead. The greatest of warriors were sailed by the sailors after the saviors couldn't offer more favors. And then, all that is doubled ends well.

Or all is doubled that fends well?

The tailors were born menders, until the warriors (credit to the sailors (credit to the saviors) ) expanded their notional principal of blending an optimum mix of peace and war. But the tailors would rather have peace than freedom. Peace, harmony and dependence.

Highlight: Dependence.

With great power, comes the lack of reasonability.

khwaar ft. Desi Phreak - Leak

2009-11-16T10:14:00.000-04:00

All credits to Desi Phreak for putting pen to paper to tongue.

You are worthless
An identity so askew
That you borrow from east and west
Claiming the essence from lands of
Two forefathers, WHO?
When and why has that demented your
Cognition. Choose a side
And decide
What profile you want to imbue
Its true
You
Cannot be two
Or a two in one.
Your skin is brown, not white not yellow

No.

You pathetic Paki, curry muncher, FOB
Or should I call you a bloody Indian too?
A construction of two imagined destinies
Assuming acceptance from ME

HA

I chortle at your insolence.
Define yourself or else
I'll bury you under this conspicuous clause:
"I am nothing if not something discernable to the masses"

Got that?

Repeat and repeat until you understand
Until your brain expands
Perhaps at the hands of those around you
Who demand that you finally decide
Define
Youself.
As one from one, not from one two
Indian or Pakistani what the hell are you?

A shadowless soul attempting to find
Some place to rest your throbbing mind?
Don't come here, nor there.
The crowds'll point and guffaw
At how blind
YOU really are.

The faceless bastards around you
Yell for one side of the story
For they don't care
Where
You're from.
Don't exoticize,
Sexualize,
Or idealize yourself to the world
Don't explain or
try to regain anything
Like I said,

they

don't

care.

Give them one word.
"Paki"
One word.

Then its done.

ahhh

But you know, you care.

Ha.

Why?

I sigh at your stupidity, moronity,
Fearfulness of society. But
To accept and be embraced just
Conform, conform, conform.
To their model of you.
And gain acceptance to their
cookie cutters club.

Now stop watching yourself move, limb to limb
Staring at your black mane and brown skin
Move away from your ugly reflection and walk outside
So you can finally f***ing decide

Who the hell you are.

To Them

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Tw4WxYcqxo

Foreign Policy

2009-09-18T18:44:00.001-03:00

The blip of the arena. The radical stone-turning, face-exfoliating, charge-mechanics of your voice. You are the cloaking bloke with another fear of hope. In the plans of forever and beyond, you are and never will be in crystal. No matter how minute, as minute as minute can be, and as as as as can be, you cannot shine without dirt, without birth (as dirt as dirt).

Don't make me. I just might with all my might. As mighty as mighty can be. As as as as can be.

Exhaust the Pool

2009-07-08T00:32:00.000-03:00

He issued his statement, broad and clear. Twenty-seven years of construction, a building he called ‘Reputation’. The demolition committee was as unbiased as the tree that existed before the park around it was created. He knew the solid facts, and he knew his solid acts. Forging reality, an equivalent of using perception, is not only denied by common law, but also well frowned upon. But he knew that. He knew that nothing is subjective. He knew that democracy is an illusion. The nation had already confessed their state. They accept their desire for confusion, while habitually naming it education.

Later, with ball bearings in mind, he takes a stroll down windy paths. The sounds mesh while visibility vanishes. He is unable to notice the darkness. He is unable to get lost. His determination is the only catalyst for his pumped veins. Shin, calf, forearms and shoulder – each with their own conscience, each with obedience. Undefeatable synergy. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. There is NO NEED for a light at the end of this tunnel. There is no need for AN END to this tunnel. This tunnel IS the light, this tunnel IS right. He found no room for fear, and none for those who chose to avenge, for those who crawled along the fence, for those who remember the un-happened, for those who cried sanely. No room for sanity.

And then, a call to the devil: Come out to witness this purgatory, come to witness the fruits that killed their roots.

End.

Prawns and Cons

2009-05-15T17:02:00.003-03:00

Together and tomorrow. The day after today. The day following today. A future period or time. Simultaneously. Do not attempt to re-discover reality. Don't blame me if you get violated.

Renovation could prevent or provide abolition. Prevented if done the other way. Provided if done the right way. There's no middle. No one is stuck. Fragmented to the core. Mercenary in the base. Self-sufficient in the muscle. Organic in the mind. Feel fisted?

If you were ever told, and if you ever believed, would your case have been any different?

Any criminal. Any disadvantage. The glass is fully halved. The brass is trusted and well used. The galvanized metal is rusted and well off your conscience.

If you ever told them, and if they ever believed you, would your case have been any different?

Twice Again

2009-03-02T20:53:00.003-04:00

It was a while before a while passed. And it only passed when it passed. To many, as they heard, it was proper.

Only I can tell though, they were all but proper. What they were was Proper-Fucked. Like in London. You know, bad weather, worse food, Mary fucking Poppins! Thanks, Avi.

Chaand ki utaar di dono baaliyan? Dimaag kharab hai? Nanga karna hai?

Billo, ni billo, ni billo, haath maar, de taliyan. G**nd mei le kar jhoom.

As it seems...

2008-11-13T03:46:00.002-04:00

Not allowed. Un-aloud. Proper ratification. Untouched, take a bow.

I hope high hope why hope

2008-06-29T18:50:00.002-03:00

First, you don't take a right. You head over to the silence, turn around and wave. That should be your signal. Their signal. Don't worry, the universe is not in on this. We all are. We ALL are.

ARE we all?

Khair, deep down inside, take a left. Take a turmoil. Turn a little. Twist a little. Go on towards the fraction that separated the huge humorous negative bandits from the very soil that was more or less an encryption in itself till it lasted for the good of none yet deceiving the elements that thrived into forever. Oh, Yeah.

Double the signal. Do not double the wave. Trouble the wave, more like.

Theek?

Snitches

2008-03-02T15:34:00.002-04:00

Why didn't you die when you laughed that hard?

And you never itched that scab only because you didn't see it. Didn't touch it. Didn't feel it. Didn't know about it. Ignorance requires skills.

Because you WILL twist that knob. Because you WILL arrange that pivot. Because you WILL neurotically induce steps. Because YOU will. And only YOU will.

Free. Free. Free. Free. Free.

If you didn't hear it then, you didn't hear it now, you won't hear it tomorrow. Give (the fuck) up.

Arrow on the Way

2008-01-27T00:46:00.000-04:00

They jumped the puddle, and crossed at the green. Enough to keep it clean. The wind smelt like snow and vice versa. Only three of them noticed it. Only two of them knew why. Only one of them wanted to change it. It wasn't a good day for a gazillion steps. But men and women have to do what men and women have to do. Time was plenty, unlike luck. Persistence would offer rewards. Six of them thought so. Enough to use a bow.

The feet clapping comes to a halt. The enemies of the cold are discarded. The eyes of nine speak only one language, that of silence. And spoken are phrases, not sentences. It could be heaven, it could be hell. The path is set by four of them. Democracy didn't make the majority stronger. The vehicle still needed to be decided upon. It took eight nods to agree on a mistake. Eight nods.

Their fingers would not stop moving. Involuntary acts as a result of a revolution. The age of circus. Masks and masks and more masks. Or maybe there wasn't enough light. But their fingers could not stop moving. Seven of them craved excess. Two of them wanted success. Only one found it difficult to be driven. Like a flat tire, like a rotten orange, like a dying battery.

Time is the strongest in all competition. Only fades, never dies. It will recreate itself, and will never confine to becoming its old self. Fresh. Unlike the crushed coffee beans in jars. Time will never beg. Time will never give. Time will never waste itself. Time will never collide with itself. Time will never be time again.

Their belief showed them butterflies. Five of them admired butterflies. It was almost complete, until the creation was given its own life. And no conscience...

And no power...

And no strength...

But, where there's a will...there's a way...

run ran rot rat

2008-01-17T12:45:00.000-04:00

wouldn't you say it is marked, priveleged....centered maybe, claims maybe...

light without heat > little green men

underflowing rivers, overflowing sewages

to rhyme, to commit a crime, is?

and templates wasted, tried and tested and failed...that clarity, bring...

flow and grow...stop and afterglow...

is nothing, is nothing, is nothing, impossible?

do you?

2007-12-08T13:48:00.000-04:00

now that the loss is complete
now that your silence rules
now that the creation is complete
it's time to take it apart again

now that we have gathered here
now that we delay
now that we grow into our sins
it's time to slip away

i seriously feel like shooting stars

plate tectonics

2007-11-20T10:36:00.000-04:00

oh shit

as you crammed into the door

oh shit

the shit hit the fan

oh shit

flying without wings

oh shit

trained to serve

oh shit

accumufuckinglation

oh shit

bottle, no genie

oh shit

bottle, up

oh shit

fantastic

oh shit

the unendeavored, the palm of a crop

oh shit

fusion based on confusion

oh shit

melodrama

oh shit

hand(s) on waist, super to the core

oh shit

wait and wait and wait and wait and wait it out

gonna wait it out

"if there was no desire to heal"

"this tedious path i've chosen here"

"certainly would have walked away, by now"

revolve

2007-08-07T10:58:00.000-03:00

the wig lies. the rising fall. the falling rise.

it was only going to take a moment to make a moment. we're all to punish, we're all to fail. it could end no other way. or has it already?

going on, down low. forget fate, fuck forfeit. basically, it's a product. a product. an unsatisfied want.

thank you and have a miserable day.

Ride On

2007-07-02T09:50:00.000-03:00

the boy rides over the bridge on his streamlined silver bicycle, following the orange streak in the sky. he was once told that time follows the sun, and the sun sinks deeper than human emotions. this was his race against time, with breaths and the occasional panting on his side. he thought he had prepared his calves to fight this battle, but he had not trained his perception. the black patches now followed the orange ones faster than him. his sight was far-streched, but his memory was short-termed. he could see into forever, but every mile was a new beginning. he always avoided continuations, always believed in reforming. horizontal more than vertical. lay a million bases, never hit a peak. the jack of all trades, a master of none.

then, as he concentrated less and less on the path and more on the journey, concrete betrayed him. skidding for a few metres, his flesh decided to expose itself. they called it a wound, he called it a lesson. the revealed flesh took this oppurtunity to surface and asked the boy to stare at it. it spoke to the boy and took the role of the boy's memory. maybe that's where it always was. he was reminded that not only does the night follow the day (like the boy does), but another day follows the night. then, a perception...if the day never stopped its journey, why should he. he rose firmly (feeling taller than he ever felt), kissed the concrete and picked up his bicycle with the obedience of his arms. he stared ahead while getting into position, like a soldier with a sword, like an author with his pen, like a batsman with a bat. ride on.

ride on...

spine residue

2007-06-19T12:12:00.000-03:00

you remember five times the years of your life. a complete perfect percent, every single one. if you don't remember, you don't. the photographs do. out of infancy already. Out. Now.

finite. abbreviated. periods. why? (extrinsically speaking)

left brain fights the right. who's right? the clouds piss too often. too fucking often. they miss corners. i got that covered.

karma. mosques. pure. sacred. half-light. half-life. schisms. since forever. divide and conquer? and resistance? too many cooks spoil the fucking broth. samjho. samjho...

the day after yesterday

2007-04-26T04:09:00.000-03:00

never again should it be let out (of your cage). Rise upto the faith and questionably believe (by the river-side). Clear the conscience (free and loose). Rescue yourself, a picture doesn't lie (freeze those tears). Hop on, isn't it just a ride (please)?

on an open plane
drenched and breathless
as i am left
speaking to the winds

When your admirers put you to blame (too ripe too rotten), its when you know you've been framed (too close to the bottom). Why would we fall for mint (as i am left)? What was your last state of mind (clueless again)?

on an open plane
drenched and breathless
as i am left
speaking to the winds

release?

2007-04-19T15:35:00.000-03:00

take a walk. take a long, tiring and rejuvenating walk. think about them. although you shouldn't.

forge and back off. trust them, because only a fool fools a fool. swear me into secrecy? i promise you all forms of confidentiality. liar, mirror for you. what's the difference?

a restrain. a BIG BOLD restrain. but then again, there are ditches. and muddy ditches at that. (with a lot of slime). (maybe lizards too). blame the shadow, BLAME THE SHADOW!!!

suno ek kahani. there was once a government. it fucked off and died. thanks.

this is release. THIS is release. this IS release. this is RELEASE. THIS IS RELEASE.

poison?

2007-04-04T16:21:00.000-03:00

disinfected in a way. thrashed in another. and the bottom line is that there is no bottom line.

phuture, phuck the phuture. phuck the do-s, phuck the don't-s, phuck the if-s and phuck the how-s.

my normality is the lack of senisibility. yours is too. paranoid android. insane in the membrane.

commonalities. absurdities. sexual compatibility. mental retardation.

knock yourself the fuck out. smash. or i will. i swear i will. i could. i fucking should.

jump, pogo pogo pogo. bounce, pogo pogo pogo. everyone gets to play. but just one pogo stick.

shake and shiver. stare and give up. stab and duck. sitting on a tree?

WHERE's THERE's A WILL, THERE's A FUCKING WAY. OKAY?

round and round

2007-03-14T02:20:00.000-03:00

by the time i let this out, i'd be a fraction of a degree of a second late...

breathing is an option to you
STOP
talking in news and shapes
DON'T
feeling like the weight of everest is on your toes
STOP
use me
DON'T
overcrowding my utopia
STOP
trying to figure out numbers that Abraham couldn't
DON'T
preparing for your next miserable worthless input
STOP

i make sense, yes i do. vanish. disappear. higher. higher. slowly disappear.

the magic word?

2007-02-21T00:48:00.000-04:00

i wanted
you
wanted they
wanted us
to be
wanted

please was the magic word in the 7th century. shut up and die or shut up and cry. unlimited choices, and enough aisles. death, mine. fuck, wait, screw around and then fuck again. in short, do not sum it up. you won't and you won't. you might never. but as i say, please.

seven of them. i hate seven people. i wished for a billion deaths. seven only, please.

the state of a passenger. yes, indeed. travel as a passenger, with a passenger. come inside, i'll make some room for three. me, abstractious and wait in the waiting list. come inside, please.

so tell me, how does it feel to not feel? does your face resemble a breeze or is that me on the noose? carpets and mashed potatoes. or potatos. mashed carpets that got soaked in potatoes. the broom, please.

strip down to your paper-self. carbonated-non. the truth has cancer. the cancer has a heart. we will all live in a moshpit. we will all die in a moshpit. no tears, no broken bones, nothing as soft as plastic, eh? damnit, the lights are still on. switch the switch, please.

i will not, i won't, i might not and i will not. but i might. not. trying, trying, succeeding, almost trying, failing, stop trying...the results are just fine.

PLEASE, I WON'T PLEASE.

tell me...

2007-02-18T13:00:00.000-04:00

where would this question fit?

Mother Nature

2007-02-04T15:07:00.000-04:00

transforming - > done
absorption -> done
editing -> done
in denial -> done
forging -> done
fake plastic trees -> incomplete/pending/misused

an on these notes, and other notes, you are obliged to check out some more harmony notes. where? what? a creation is complete, and i rejoice.

go to -
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/khwaar
and look for 'Mother Nature' (directions: play "hi-fi")

or just look for 'Mother Nature' here - - - > http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=467311

p.s. hint: at 1:16, is the calm before the storm...watch out for the storm

comfort comfort comfort THE SHIT HIT THE FAN

2007-02-03T12:27:00.000-04:00

To Big Brother,

You have got me scared. But I made you try hard. I can smell your stenchful sweat. You can wipe it off now. You know what we are looking for. And you want to give it to us. Or is it that what we were looking for is nothing but your inspiration in the first place? This battle is all yours. But the war's not over. Now that you have linked together all our inputs everywhere (even here), you can better understand us. I must say, im-fucking-pressive. As they say - 'If you can't beat them, join them'. Where do I sign up? I want to experience the state of mind where I won't have problems going to sleep.

Thanks,
Victim by choice

p.s. who decides what I feel?

Wasted Words

2007-01-25T16:48:00.000-04:00

i'm filling up.
up to the top.
straight up. straight, UP.
as i come down. crashing down?
wait, floating...wait, ego bloating...floating...

as if it wasn't enough that cues, shots and guns are missed. as if it wasn't enough that you glow, and you keep glowing...

in the memory of long, sweaty, parallel walks to get to places where everyone was already drenched and still asking for more. in the memory of waking up before the sun to go and wash myself of my sins. in the memory of dusty shoes, disfigured hair and random air conditioned spaces. in the memory of sticks, stones and everything else that broke my bones. in the memory of punks and neighbors. in the memory of overflowing refrigerators, muted televisions, flower pots and barbeque gear. in the memory of silent nights full of buzzing. in memory of baby steps and squeaky door knobs. in the memory of ignorance and times of faithful disbelief. in the memory of learning, yearning and never complaining. in the memory of discoveries, losses and losses. and lossess. and lossess. finders keepers, losers weepers. losers weepers.

and oh yeah, here's to my very own version of sanity: BURN BABY BURN!!!
cheers to you fuckface, cheers for whatever you thought it was. cheers to wasted hours and words. wasted words.

Spiral out, keep going...

2007-01-19T12:44:00.000-04:00

Above & Beyond - Cant Sleep
	Four thirty A.M, I'm awake again Singing to the dark through open eyes While dreaming I see only you and me Stuck between desire and compromise If I said I want you back I'd be a liar There's nothing left of us to long for anymore But inside the ashes burns an endless fire And every night I can't help reaching out for more And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep You're leaving me scars scattered in my heart A road map of all the places you have been And I can't escape, can't wash this away Love has burned your mark so deep within If I said I want you back I'd be a liar There's nothing left of us to long for anymore But inside the ashes burns an endless fire And every night I can't help reaching out for more And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep

an open mind

2007-01-08T23:32:00.000-04:00

poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart YOU ARE poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart poor at heart...

dubious dubious a bit dubious dubious dubious a bit dubious dubious dubious a bit dubious dubious dubious a bit dubious dubious dubious a bit dubious I AM dubious dubious a bit dubious dubious dubious a bit dubious dubious dubious a bit dubious dubious dubious a bit dubious....

"Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough, you're going home..." (Wings Pt 2 - Tool)

the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds DO YOU HEAR the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds the sound or the sounds

cut it in two please. thanks. I SAID TWO. yeah. thanks. no, none of the good stuff, it must be saved for later. there is no other reasoning for it, i guess.

your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear I SHOULD BE your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear your worst fear

-------------------
Stage. Dim flashing/dying/buzzing tubelights. Set. Absent curtains. Home assembled woodwork, minimal color and expressiveness. Scene. Casually walks in. Pauses. Stares at his thigh. Spontaneous internal combustion. Woodwork coated with his ashes. Curtains appear.

The fucking curtains, never in need, never indeed.
-------------------

Oh and yes, before I forget, the new year brought two new samples.

http://www.soundclick.com/khwaar

They should be called - Nocturnal
- Sticks & Stones

Peace.
(Love.)
(and Understanding.)

burn, and never fade away...

2006-12-18T16:39:00.000-04:00

it is that time of the year again...of course you notice it too...the cold cold country with the cold cold cities with the cold cold human race...

tick tock tick tock tick tock... which reminds of a famous karachiite quote - "mazaak nai yaar!"
and i swear if you say "tafreeh" one more time, my knuckles will be deep inside your arse.
and also, fucktards, "bhaddwa" is not even a half insult. same applies for your "bhosadi-kay".
mailay kahin keh.

to sum up, i'm a classist/racist/king/fascist/hero/apathetic being. the "subterranean home-sick alien". the original khwaar. the jack of all trades and master of none. the "crazy diamond". the tired angry soldier.

Hold up... hold on... don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile... Shine on... Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone

"Stop Crying Your Heart Out" - Oasis (Heathen Chemistry)

____________________________________________________________

We the people fight for our existence
We don't claim to be perfect
But we're free
We dream our dreams alone
With no resistance
Fading like the stars we wish to be

You know I didn't mean
What I just said
But my God woke up
On the wrong side of his bed
And it just don't matter now

Cos little by little
We gave you everything
You ever dreamed of
Little by little
The wheels of your life
Have slowly fallen off
Little by little
You have to give it all in all your life
And all the time I just ask myself why
You're really here

True perfection has to be imperfect
I know that that sounds foolish but it's true
The day has come
And now you'll have to accept
The life inside your head we give to you

You know I didn't mean
What I just said
But my God woke up
On the wrong side of his bed
And it just don't matter now

Cos little by little
We gave you everything
You ever dreamed of
Little by little
The wheels of your life
Have slowly fallen off
Little by little
You have to give it all in all your life
And all the time I just ask myself why
You're really here
Hey

Little by little
We gave you everything
You ever dreamed of
Little by little
The wheels of your life
Have slowly fallen off
Little by little
You had to give it all in all your life
And all the time I just ask myself why
You're really here
Why am I really here?
Why am I really here?

"Little by Little" - Oasis (Heathen Chemistry)

____________________________________________________

p.s. i'll give you half the world if that's enough...

neend aati hai raat ko?

2006-12-17T13:11:00.000-04:00

-
-

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist."

-
-

That's right, honey. It is fun to take human form of that oh so "Bittersweet Symphony". Sweet and sour too. *enter a slash solo here*

Veeraan, par andhera nahee.
Akela, apni marzi sey.
Sharafat, tum mei nahee.
Zinda, apney aap pey.

-
-

kaise pehchano gee mujhe? tumhe pata hi kya hai? i've walked on fire and frosted my balls. yeh barzakh kidhr hai?

(maa chudaye dunya)

torture doesn't have to be a form of punishment...it might induce pleasure...

2006-12-15T19:34:00.000-04:00

as i was walking and half-silent, trying to blend into the colorfully congested space with unequal amounts of both sexes trying to act like there is somewhere important they need to be, i figured out the most important thing of the day. which is, that i can't figure anything out anymore.

no sorry, i'm not going to give you an interview. a conversation sounds nicer. but that's not the point now, is it? is it worth it? you're not , apparently...worth my time, worth my mind, worth my sanity, worth my insanity, worth my insults, worth my touch, worth my space, worth my future...

i will see you on the other side...

a handshake with carbon monoxide

2006-12-06T15:01:00.000-04:00

it's not what you say....it's how you say it...

disturbing thoughts and disturbing eyes and fluttering ducks...

barrey log, barri baatein...apney abbey ka naam bhoolne ko tayyar ho? apni auqaat toh tum bhool chukey ho....

no i'm not willing to comprehend...i have a brain the size of a fly and maybe i'm content...maybe i'll grow wings someday and dirty your car like birds do...but i'm content

khair, zindagi ek safar hai suhana, yahan kal kya yakki ho kisne jana...

i (fail to regret)/regret my failure

hai kasam tujhe, muskuraah...

like spinning plates...?

2006-11-04T02:56:00.000-04:00

kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
what pic
superman (جنود الله) (naeem: chicken tera baap baneyga?) says:
ok
superman (جنود الله) (naeem: chicken tera baap baneyga?) says:
plectrum
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
nude?
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
when how where what
superman (جنود الله) (naeem: chicken tera baap baneyga?) says:
plectrum
superman (جنود الله) (naeem: chicken tera baap baneyga?) says:
guitar pick
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
oh pick
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
YOU BASTARD
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
PICK STEALER
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
I THOUGHT I LOST IT MYSELF
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
YOU FUCKER
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
YOU WILL PAY
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
IN BLOOD
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
AND TEARS
superman (جنود الله) (naeem: chicken tera baap baneyga?) says:
u gave it to me rmemb?
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
AND SWEAT
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
oh really? then its cool
kNaeem-versioN 1.92 in a glass house... says:
we are good

architect of misery

2006-10-10T23:54:00.000-03:00

everytime i look at my face

i see you...in disguise...you son of a bitch...you fucking pathetic moron...i will set your ass on fire...

again...

and when we're done, i'll go out and treat you...we'll have dessert and i'll offer you a smoke and you'll offer me a decent conversation...maybe it all fits well together...

if you're ever there that is...its been a while...i forgot i could do this...i hope that i could wish...that what i wish would be within grasp...which would touch you and feel like me...and we could all have our share of candy...

month number 3, city number 3

2006-07-19T11:27:00.000-03:00

m m alam road zindabad!!!

quaid-e-azam *****baaz!!!

jinney lahore nai takkiya, oh jammiya nai!!!

lahore lahore hai!!!

par bhenchod garmi bohat hai...

zalalat ki hadd hoti hai yaar

2006-06-24T05:37:00.000-03:00

i talk abstract
i walk abstract
i certainly think abstract
i feel very abstract
all sounds are abstract
all visions are abstract
all days are abstract
all of fucking eternity is abstract

and you're a fucking crack whore. stupid trembling bitch. i can't imagine where you would be without yourself. and i mean WITHOUT yourself.

zindagi
ek safar
hai suhana...
yahan kal kya ho
kisne jaana...

bhenchod yahan aj kya ho kisne jaana...

jack of all trades, master of none

2006-05-31T16:29:00.000-03:00

Yeh khawab jo they kharey
Kirchee kirchee hokey girey
Yeh raat bhi hai ik jhoot
Yonhee soney dou aaj mujhey

In dairon maye nachtein rahein
Ik sirey kee justujoo
Yeh roshnee bhi hai ik jhoot
Bund rehney dou aaj mujhey

Phir Kyoon Hum Sada
In Dewaron Maye Rahein
Phir Kyoon Hum Sada
Apnee Maut Jiyein

Safar-e-Dard kaye yeh rastein
Kabhi khatam yeh hongein nahin
Yeh rastein bhi hein ik jhoot
Gum hee rehney do aaj mujhey

Surkh rungg kee yeh mittee
Mirey khoon saye rangee howee
Yeh zindagee hee ik jhoot
Tanha rehney do aaj mujhey

Phir Kyoon Hum Sada
In Dewaron Maye Rahein
Phir Kyoon Hum Sada
Apnee Maut Jiyein

----

Depressed, lonely and opressed people write the best music. You'll find us all in the shadows. If you're ever looking that is. Cheers to paki rock.

attached at the hip

2006-05-17T18:33:00.000-03:00

UM: gaandu saala
Mr K: jo kehta hai wohi hota hai
UM: tu phir bhee chutiya hee rahega
Mr K: JO KEHTA HAI USKI MAA HOTI HAI!!!!

It's nice to have a point of view.

that's weak...

2006-05-14T18:17:00.000-03:00

I am writing this, but I might be not. mere dimaag mei basa hai kaun. not a rhetoric question, not a question at all, else you'd see a '?' somehwere. I gaze, but I don't wonder. not worth it. it rains anyways. where? in your face, bitch. it could, i could make it. i did. shit.

i wonder, but i don't. i know i am not consistent. i know it for a fact, not for a figure. you too were cute for a while. the pimples didn't work your way now did they. they never do. give them any shape of size, they're just not cute. dimples are cute. fucking grand canyons in your cheeks are cute? WHY? ok, they are. but you're still ugly, bitch.

i start and i end. i always start with 'i'. not even punctuated. i would be worthless if i were you. catchy! that's in my poem book for sure. baby, i'm not so weak. weak is sitting outside on a three legged chair in nice spring weather with blooming sunflowers contrasting with freshly watered grass that sways with the mild breeze from the east amongst the trippy shaped clouds that don't haunt anyone and yet remind us that there's not much distance to the stars. that's weak.

you might not imagine the level of intensity between the contrasting and contradicting yet failing stupid stupidities. i used constrasting twice already. thrice now. fuck.

sit down and compare. yes i said sit down FIRST. okay thanks, now lets compare. "what?". your choice. compare the bright lucid skies with the water that reflects that very image hence deceiving and what i thought would be a jump to mars became a diving frenzy which of course was not very nice because i can't really swim. I CAN'T SWIM. bye bye, magic wand...you were always crazy.

i was always crazy. that's weak.

unclassified days

2006-05-11T19:47:00.000-03:00

Frankly, I do remember those days. And I remember the nights. I don't have to wait for flashbacks to hit me, helping me recall the specifics of those times. I remember the slight buzzing I constantly heard in my left ear as to my right stood infinity. What was that state? Is there an opposite of "the walls were closing in on me"? The walls fucking expanded in proportions and degrees unimaginable, by me and by those around me. Fashion was top priority, and it was contagious. She even smelt brilliant. Yes I did manage to smell her before my death (by her smile, of course). What was special about that smile? It didn't last long...2 sec...4 sec...gone. Leaves you craving for more. Then its upto me to make her smile again. THERE! GONE! If her lips were fingers, and my heart was a stringed instrument, she'd play stuff you'd have tears in your eyes for. And of course, as humans we are bound to not consider time as a constraint. It flew right on schedule. Didn't see it land, my fault. The sun came up, and everyone had to go home, or to a place they like to call home. I did too, smiling. I think i smiled for 4 days in a row. Contagious. But memories started fading, taking off on schedule with time. Or did they? I always feel the wrong brain cells were annhiliated...and yet the wrong ones remained. I'm confused. This is the first time I'm using punctuation. Random. Whatever gets the message across, I guess...

peace? with an 'i' lost somewhere...murdered by 'a'..

2006-04-30T18:37:00.000-03:00

before you put the final piece of the puzzle into its polar opposite place, think of the time you drove me crazy. 4th gear baby, not so smooth. don't tell me i did not let you know, i have been on about this since the time barney rubbles wanted to do wilma(?) flin(t?)stone. i can't feel the ground beneath my feet, i cannot touch the sky above me. you know what this place is called? do you know WHAT THE FUCK it is called? its called STRANDED. where? FUCKING STRANDED.

no, fuck you, i won't cry. hah bastard you thought that the game had rules that wouldn't let me offend, but turn around and feel the sharpness.("thank you, i carved it myself")

tommorow you will wake up, or maybe you won't. i decide. i am not evil, i'm just genius. you're not fake, you're just going to be non-existant if you continue to be yourself. change motherfucker change. build yourself upon yourself. remember to breathe. BREATHE MOTHERFUCKER BREATHE. a suggestion - alternate time signatures. suggestion for the suggestion - think metaphorically. not metaphysically you fucking pathetic pseudo-intellectual wannabe.

"Finger deep within the borderline."

its heavier now, isn't it? no i don't expect answers, i just state. i found it heavier because I FOUND IT. you didn't even look for it. :D. asswipe...

"Knuckle deep inside the borderline."

your name reminds me of nothing honey. your name is insignificant dear. darling your ass will be on fire if you mention your name again. how could it mean anything to me?
"Elbow deep inside the borderline."
unstimulating...unstimulated. you are, aren't you? i knew it all the time, i just punched it to your face too late, and now maybe you can't do anything about it. maybe you'll regret, maybe you'll die. hate is pretty, hate evolves from love. love sucks.

"Shoulder deep within the borderline."

i'm starting to enjoy babbling again. such peace, such peace...

peace...

articulating body language

2006-04-15T18:02:00.000-03:00

burridge, lee - 12am to 2am
oakenfold, paul - 2am to 4am
danny howells - 4am to 5.30 am
van Buuren - 5.30am to 9.30 am

nine and a half hours of beats, lights, babes, shades, dancing, glowsticks and butterflies.

and what a fucking way to end it..."Burned with Desire"

cheers to next four sober months.

until next time, until 'Labor of Love' in September.

One week till I'm on the bloody plane. I can't wait to hold my little sister. Can't wait to calculate in Dirhams again. Can't wait to be back to the place where oil is cheaper than mineral water. 4 'months of the bubble jacket' are over. I feel the need to feel the need. I feel.

I do.

way off

2006-04-05T01:23:00.000-03:00

grill men like it greasy

grill men are the messiest

grill men spit in your food when you're not looking

grill men spit in your food when you're looking if they don't like what they're looking at

grill men make their own meals

grill men are thought to have super-powers, as suggested by their managers or the cashiers taking orders

grill men mostly don't grill, they fry

there is no such thing as fry men

grill men often bend over

red rover

grill men don't daydream, they'd rather eat the fries they just made with hot jalapeno sauce

grill men often talk to the legs and thighs, but the wings and breasts have plain white attitude

grill men know what you ordered last and what you want today

grill men are necrophiliacs

grill men usually have hangovers

grill men don't know the difference between spick and span

grill men hate cows and vice versa

grill men can always crack jokes about how your mother is so fat, that he grilled her clit

grill men pretend to know what a clitoris is

grill men don't have much in their hearts, don't have much

or even enough

grill men is plural. i'm generalizing. i'm off, and so's you're sight. way off.

take me drunk, i'm home...

2006-04-03T00:24:00.000-03:00

apni khairyat ki ass
tere haath mere saath
kyun karun mei tujhse pyaar
chorna hai jab meine tera haath

and what else? D to the E to the C to the A to the to be continued later...

2006-03-31T00:41:00.000-04:00

Transport, motorways and tramlines, starting and then stopping, taking off and landing, the emptiest of feelings, disappointed people, clinging on to bottles, and when it comes it's so, so, disappointing. Let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground. Let down and hanging around. Shell smashed, juices flowing wings twitch, legs are going, don't get sentimental, it always ends up drivel. One day, I am gonna grow wings, a chemical reaction, hysterical and useless hysterical and let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground. Let down and hanging around. Let down, Let down, Let down. You know, you know where you are with, you know where you are with, floor collapsing, falling, bouncing back and one day, I am gonna grow wings, a chemical reaction, [You know where you are,] hysterical and useless [you know where you are,] hysterical and [you know where you are,] let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground. Let down and hanging around.

----------------------------------
'Let Down' - Radiohead
----------------------------------
i listen to Radiohead because i wish to be inspired. i wish to grow wings(a chemical reaction). i wish to be hysterical and useless. Radiohead is a religion. Radiohead is me.

i hate deadlines, and i hate you. yes you, i fucking hate you and your fucking face. you little slimy rat looking hair ball. may your mother be stripped naked in front of thousands of angry villagers.

it's OH SO quiet...shhhh...sshhhhh

2006-03-29T11:21:00.000-04:00

there was a time when my msn list had 2 groups - family,school
now there's family, abu dhabi, sharjah, dubai, toronto, uni,perth, waterloo,UK,lahore,karachi,US...

i feel like i am taking over the world...

recommended listening: Bjork - All Is Full Of Love
this woman is magic...black magic...pinkish blue magic

she already took over the world...

you read it, right? you did, didn't you did dud dad?

2006-03-28T23:28:00.000-04:00

in my right mind, i am left sided...

my trips should not include what they don't include...

i can do this...i can do it...you can't, fuckface

when was the last time you did something?

all 'somethings' and 'anythings' have a last time. " all 'everythings' " is wrong grammar.

i challenge the language. its my war, and i'll fight it alone.

i bled, not yet.

i have the smile of a million men. and bimbos.

its spring time....poooooonnndddiiiii time!!!!

to the masses

2006-03-27T10:05:00.000-04:00

w/vaadey torr-ne waali qaum
kis mu(n)h sey tujhe saza dun?
mere dimaag mei basa hai kaun
kis mu(n) sey tum-hey jawaab dun?

bravo, ASSHOLE. now get back to life...

what in the world is a **** to do...

2006-03-20T12:04:00.000-04:00

and ooooh oooh you have to listen to this track

Rachael Starr - Till There Was You (John Creamer and Stephane K Mix)

now now, please show proper etiquettes towards this sort a music...dim the lights, be ALONE, not a sofa, sit on a chair and don't forget to slight move your hips when the beat starts

van Buuren, Oakenfold, Klienberg - Decadence April 13th....FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY DURING EXAM TIMES???? FUCK FUCK FUCK WHYYYYYYY????? FUCK HOOLA LA FUCK HUBBLE BUBBLE BOOGIE BUBBLE FUCKITY FUCK!!!

the proper use of proper use

2006-03-20T11:27:00.000-04:00

i failed when you fell
this place is hurting my back is flirting
free to move as i would wish
able to move if i could
i miss, i don't miss, you or your face
not quite unlike
not quite alright
not sure anyway
fainting and panting and i shot your ass
that woman's got a gun, a gun to start it
i've got me patience, patience to kill myself
finishing you, considering me done, fly over water and the setting sun?
twist nerves, clench toes, oak leaf and matches
i quite forget the button placements - the red, the blue, the green red and the red blue green
fikr na faka, aish kar kaka
metal plastic solid wood cardboaded through
through, i said THROUGH, Ok?
still unable to move, its not a feeling, its the mother of all feelings
empty fulness and full emptiness

i assure you, i've been sober for too long...
this happens when i is sober
sober is not good
sober is not why i can perform, sober is when i can detach
detach is not good, i want it/me/thing/shit

2006-03-11T14:44:00.000-04:00

they should have vending machines for cigarettes...in every building, on every floor, in my fucking apartment for god's sake...bless you nicotine...

http://www.soundclick.com/khwaar

the song should be called "Framed"...thank you Acoustica Mixcraft...

2006-03-09T17:43:00.000-04:00

i am not in the mood to breathe. they all ask "where is the t minus countdown?". i'm not in the mood to answer. how can i miss home when i feel i never left home? why the fuck do i miss home when i feel like i never left it?

"remember when you were young, you shone like the sun..."

i hate people who make me feel special. i love the haters. i love to prove them wrong. i love to make them lick my arsehole while they chant my name. basically, don't get to know me, please?

"Where have you been? It's alright we know where you've been"
"What did you dream? It's alright we told you what to dream"

when was the last time you did something for the last time? heaven knows, i can't quit once i'm in.

orkut rantings: the worst 'about me' would definitely go to "for me 2 kno n u 2 find owttt"
fuck you bitch, you're ugly, you're illetrate, you have no taste in life, your slutty instincts bring out the part of you that resembles your mom, your daddy never loved you, your brother is always wasted, your friends are nymphos, your admirers are necrophiliacs, you sold your soul for oh those 3 minutes of engaging action with Akram the doodhwala. bitch.

"Hey you, out there on your own, sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me?"

mama knows my apetite. my pocket doesn't. ashes, ashes, I fall down.

2006-03-03T16:39:00.000-04:00

i get tired easily. don't worry, you can go on with the jumping though you're not Jack. kitna uchlo gey?
there's bound to be a time for you to stop, for me to turn and for them to run.
you prophesized my downfall, i'm plotting yours.
i will regret, but you will fucking fail. you don't need to see the calculus, use a cheat sheet.
free yourself before promises are broken and so are your bones.
the lights never hesitated, don't stop the flow. thank you, i like the view from up here.
from up here.
but i guess its no big deal, considering the fact that you're fucking abstract.
abstract in your speech, abstract in your actions, abstract in your existence.
either it'll soon be over, either you'll be.
the frying pan makes the sweetest of noise, and you're not in sync. i still can't hear you. i still can't bother.
fruitless? are you calling me fruitless?

and i'll sing in your ear again...

2006-02-23T15:33:00.000-04:00

this is the first time in my life that i'm doing more legal drugs than illegal ones...and they give me an assurity that my soul IS INFACT leaving my body...

recommended listening/hearing/singing/playing -> The Verve - Now the Drugs Don't Work
Coldplay - Warning Sign

"you were an island, and i passed you by"

sorry, but NO, i'm not an artist...i wish i was but i'm sorry i'm not gifted...you just can't fly without wings okk??

why is it that everytime i talk to my dad we only talk about the financial details of my life? he's not a fucking ATM machine, he's my dad...i hope he's not getting the wrong ideas...i'm a fucking disappointing son...there's still time, i guess...

metal is on the rise again...missed an In Flames concert...going to see Children of Bodom...the new Amorphis is fucking awesome...

" I am just a worthless liar I am just an imbecile I will only complicate you Trust in me and fall as well "

brain sweep click shit rewrite brain cells

the books sing lullabies

2006-02-18T19:38:00.000-04:00

i don't like the exams, the exams like me

and i don't like cubicles

run run run to the cities of the future, take what we got and bring it back home
take me down to the cities of the future, everybody's happy and i feel at home

i am fucking retarded, all over again

ernie, bert, ernie, bert, ernie, cookies

2006-02-15T17:23:00.000-04:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhenchod

yeah, they have an entry for that. Wikipedia is Big Brother. my fucking god. what's next, biography of Akram the doodhwala?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhenchod

and oh yeah, the doctor wants to see me again tommorow morning.
so i told him...
if i die before i wake,
pray the lord my soul to take...
and tell the girls i drank straight

and this one goes out to all the shiny happy couples AND the crying lonely losers...VALENTINE'S NOT FOR TEENAGERS, SO PACK YOUR SHIT AND LEAVE!!!

makes me sick. literally. tonsilitis acting up. as i said, doctor wants to see me again tommorow morning...

i am feeling evil. rat poison evil. tsk tsk. i need a partner. i need to talk to a disgusting filthy human. where is Nietzsche when you fucking need him?

cigarettes + coffee = breakfast

2006-02-13T20:36:00.000-04:00

when was the last time you broke your cd player?

come see me sometime

2006-02-12T22:16:00.000-04:00

i need one gun
and six bullets
two for you
three to penetrate me
and one for your fucking ideology

i need one gun

you'll remain as a picture, in my head

2006-02-07T02:54:00.000-04:00

The mind.. of the wonderful.. And no one knows.. Wounds that just won't heal.. Not even you.. Like a ghost that came from an old beginning You heated up the freezing destiny But I told myself I had the chance to live a better life By loving someone new I miss the mind of the wonderful I let the ice see thoughts run through me Cold, and no one knows I keep the pain of a broken soul Wounds that just won't heal No one knows, not even you We had a love, a future, we were honest But my truth held so many little lies Can turn the page, can rearrange, it's written in the sand And the tide is closing in I miss the mind of the wonderful I let the ice see thoughts run through me Cold, and no one knows I keep the pain of a broken soul Wounds that just won't heal No one knows, not even you Cold is the night, cold are my hands, cold as my heart ahh.. ohh.. I miss the mind of the wonderful I let the ice see thoughts run through me Cold, and no one knows I keep the pain of a broken soul Wounds that just won't heal No one knows, not even you

Blank & Jones - Mind of the Wonderful

maths for lunatics

2006-02-03T22:21:00.000-04:00

breathing is an involuntary act of the body. i know for sure, else i
would've suffocated to death already. my mind, i don't know where it is. i
shouldn't bother much, doesn't really work optimally anymore.

what goes on in a crazy mind?

the past - i get over the past really easily. that creates a problem, i try
to erase memories. what happens when you can't erase your memories? you
compose your own. that's right, i manipulate my past by remembering things
AS I WANT TO REMEMBER THEM (this is not a David Lynch influence). its
really happening, i can't remember events the way they happened, i cut the
reels to make my own movie. this helps me get over the torture i get from
thinking what i could've alternatively said at THAT moment of time, what i
could've done at THAT moment of time, what face expression i should've
shown at THAT moment of time. and voila, i have a picture perfect past,
with nothing to regret, no one to fret about, nothing i would need to kill
myself for.

the future - i get really cinematic about the future. the future's always
coming, its never there is it? and i have all the time in the world to
think and wonder what its going to be like, not necessarily what it should
be like. swerving camera angles, background music, adjusted lights,
everything. pre-planned events, memorized dialogues, expected outcomes.
thats what the future is in my mind - a constantly rolling fucking movie
scene. don't ask of the success rate of this technique, please.

the past + the future = life, isn't it?

so what's love? isn't it just a fucking fallacy...we all manipulate
ourselves to beleive we are in love.

what do we do when were are in love? we divide our time into the past and
the future.

the past - think about the past, over and over again. hit the repeat button
and let the music play till the battery runs out. keep thinking of what she
said, keep thinking of those cute shoes she wore, keep thinking of what her
hair smelt like, keep thinking of how i couldn't blink when i looked into
her eyes. keep thinking of the time she pretended she fell asleep on my
lap, the time she laughed so hard that some tears fled her eyes, the time
her father caught us cuddling like puppies.

the future - what i should say to her the next time i see her. what her
reply would be and how we will cuddle again like puppies. what move i'm
going to make next, what jumps we're gonna make in our relationship. what
clothes she would look good in. how good she looks with nothing on. be
creative with the future...
some more math

the past + the future = love, isn't it?

my conclusion, i'm in love with life...i wish. am i? are you?
makes me wonder, where's the goddamnit present? am i asking too much? how
am i supposed to feel alive without the reassurity of an existant present?

p.s. - listening to "Dark Side of the Moon"...on repeat, till the frigging battery
runs out...

you tried to tell me that i told you that i think what you thought...

2006-01-31T15:36:00.000-04:00

Mr K wrote to me the other day...on the last day of January.

why, fucking why do you think torture is the best solution. you don't want me to grow do you, fucktard. asswipe.

i hope you get lung cancer. burn in your own ashes, shitface.

why did you make it seem like a big deal? why, fucking why? and i will never admit that i've lost. i will come, i will see and i will conquer.

but the torture has to admit, that it will soon be my friend.

"When my fist clenches, crack it open. Before I use it to lose my cool." - The Who (Teenage Wasteland)

p.s. imagine harry potter on the cross...hahahahahaha funny shit, eh? i think i'm a fucking retard.

you're on the other side now...

2006-01-29T15:14:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!

thats 20 wishes for the latest 20 year old...

i hope you can look back and say you've made the best of time, coz i know you have and i hope you continue to make us all smile!

with all my heart, mind, body and soul, i wish you the BESTEST of luck in your future...and stop worrying, angels don't worry....

but i do wish you'd call more often :P...love you booha!

2006-01-28T20:52:00.000-04:00

time progression

2006-01-28T18:26:00.000-04:00

kissing the shadows

2006-01-28T18:25:00.000-04:00

i am not evil...i am the devil...

2006-01-28T18:24:00.000-04:00

ring 'a ring 'o roses...

2006-01-28T18:23:00.000-04:00

schizo barracuda

2006-01-28T18:21:00.000-04:00

living in the shadows...

when the brain is sick

2006-01-28T17:17:00.000-04:00

block

blocked

transfer cancelled

transmittion interrupted

freeze

system overload

diarrhea

packet switching failed

bandwith exceeded

optimization failed

data unavailable

...i've never felt this alive.

now now, i wouldn't want you to bleed...

2006-01-25T13:48:00.000-04:00

oh how i miss the wet leaves...

keep crying, i want you to wet the leaves...

die, because i want to miss the wet leaves...

shine, i will shine, i will shine, shine, will i shine?

you don't need to build an empire...

2006-01-21T15:18:00.000-04:00

whoever tried to lie to you...slaughter them. now. don't wait for me to set an example.

you and I, we need to reform. all of us need to change. now. don't wait for me to set an example.

it doesn't have to be drastic. it doesn't have to be dramatic. it just has to be instant. which means now. don't wait for me to set an example.

float like a butterfly, sting like a bee...

this is NOT a post...

2006-01-20T00:46:00.000-04:00

i was NOT on the 60C Steeles bus today...
i was NOT listening to 'Parachutes' on my cd player...
i was NOT staring out the window...
i was NOT freezing...
my nose did NOT get glued to the glass...
we did NOT happen to pass by a school on the way...
it was NOT their 'break' time...
all the kids did NOT run the fuck out from the buildings into the open grounds of the school...
i did NOT half-cry...

sometimes you wish you could time travel. this was one of those times.

but guess what, i couldn't.

i tried though. you know, the same routine - close the eyes, create images in that black space, manipulate mind to recollect images.

but guess what, it didn't work.

running amock to the sounds of the bell...we realized freedom because we went through prison...we knew the ecstacy in smiling because we knew what it is to cry...we never cared about the weather outside because we knew we had limited time...we never cared how dirty our shoes got because, well, because we never really cared...we never rested in those given minutes because we knew that all work and no play makes jack infertile...

running amock to the sounds of the bell...

in the membrane

2006-01-18T02:41:00.000-04:00

that buzzing has to stop...ok i'm being fucking shallow BUT THAT DAMN BUZZING HAS TO STOP...

and what does the buzzing do?

Buzzing: So, where are you?
Mr K: I've been here before...
Buzzing: Where...?
Mr K: I'm in, ummm, well, I'm in...I'm insane....

i wish i was insomniac

2006-01-12T09:02:00.000-04:00

so i'm waiting for the pest control people to show up (which they won't for two weeks from now) and i start naming the bloody roaches. but these are my roaches now, i can't just call them Tom, Dick and Harry. ladies and gentlemen, please meet Orwell, Tolkein, Hendrix, Robert Plant, Chaplin and the rest.

now i think to myself how productively i waste my creativity by being unoriginal. so i decide to sit down and compose a little something. just me, abstractious, my laptop, my $5 microphone and my Barracuda.

i finally got across making me some space at Soundclick.

http://www.soundclick.com/khwaar

comments are much appreciated...

i hope your ears bleed...cheers...

the speed of light = 299,792,458 m/s

2006-01-11T03:31:00.000-04:00

1 / 1 / 2006 @ the Guvernment, Toronto

the lights could talk, and i could touch them.
they would hear me, and i would kiss them.

god i wish i was under the influence...

my chakra

2006-01-11T03:10:00.000-04:00

1 / 1 / 2006 @ the Guvernment, Toronto

not very magical, but lovely...a lovely new year's night.
cheers to all those who are alive to see 2006...

i dress nice on the inside

2006-01-10T22:00:00.000-04:00

Here I sit at the fire
Liquor's bitter flames warm my languid soul
Here I drink alone and remember
A graven life, the stain of her memory
In this cup, love's poison
For love is the poison of life
Tip the cup, feed the fire,
And forget about useless hope. . .

Lost in the desolation of love
The passions we reap and sow
Lost in the desolation of life
This path that we walk. . .

Here's to love, the sickness
The great martyr of the soul
Here's to life, the vice
The great herald of misery
In this cup, spiritus frumenti
For this is the nectar of the spirit
Quench the thirst, drown the sorrow
And forget about cold yesterdays. . .

Lost in the desolation of love
The passions we reap and sow
Lost in the desolation of life
This path that we walk. . .
Lost in the desolation of love
The sorrows we reap and sow
Lost in the desolation of life
The path that we walk. . .

Agalloch - A Desolation Song - from the album The Mantle

Some songwriters read Mr K's mind. Atleast he feels so. All I feel is he's pathetic and I don't know why he still chooses to stand and face the sickness...the desolation...the demise of what was once pure.

Filthy shit...mind, body and soul.

the flick of the butt

2006-01-06T00:05:00.000-04:00

i'm not functional - i occasionally try to live - i seldom succeed - amnesiac - schizophrenic - hypochondriac - paranoid - android?

in other words, quitting smoking is hell...

dancing days are here again

2006-01-03T18:05:00.000-04:00

if i never try i'll never know...i have to try...i have to make myself...now...the fibres mix...the fibres match...i'm changed....i'm more than confused...i'm heavily intoxicated...

if i never try i'll never know...

the afternoon

2006-01-03T16:26:00.000-04:00

i am tired...i am tired of counting...over and over again...too many figures...and shapes too...and too much counting...i can't stop counting...i can't stop...i can't...i...

"Days away I still feel you, touching me, changing me " Tool - H (Aenima)

you have to stop doing that...stop bouncing...stop bouncing around...you're not taking me anywhere anymore...fuck you i said stop swirving the fuck around...i like to wake up with a clear mind...and you don't like that...and you are not me...and i will decide when this ends...

the rose smelt like bird crap, like me...and i'm delighted...

2005-12-25T16:34:00.000-04:00

Mr K and me, his best (but imaginary) friend, Abstract. What a match. <- it's amazing how this sentence starts with a what and doesn't end with a question mark.

Abstract: what in the world is troubling you now, asswipe.
Mr K: well i've got a fucking problem, okay? you know what that is? DO YOU?
Abstract: all i know is i hate rhetorical questions...
Mr K: you are fucking ungrateful, and you are just like the rest of them...
A: and how the (insert swear here) am i like the rest of 'em?
K: you've figured me out...
A: that i have...
K: and everyone has figured me out, everyone knows what i am, who i am, and why i am what i am...
A: that they have...
K: and that sucks, i look these whiny fucks shouting to themselves - "no one know me, no one understands me.." - i'm jealous of that ok? i want to be able to say that. i want to curl myself into a ball in the corner of the dark black room (with white curtains) and be able to say that. but i can't, i'm not that oblivious, and i can't lie to myself anymore.
A: you've got to get out of here...
K: help me won't you

Help me, won't you?

2005-12-23T03:39:00.000-04:00

Damn the recurring loops!

a little game to keep us all occuipied

2005-12-19T02:43:00.000-04:00

http://www.badvance.net.tc

simple game, three levels...turn your mouse sensitivity low...and if you can't finish three levels, drown yourself...

http://www.badvance.net.tc

ha ha you're dead...and i'm so happppyyyy

2005-12-17T18:00:00.000-04:00

Mr K has decided he is going to quit smoking after his last exam. what a fucking jerk. that's just ridiculously insane, i mean that's going to drive everyone crazy, EVERYONE! to think about it, it was him who encouraged half of his classmates to start smoking as pre-teens, it was him who was to be the first expected death due to nicotine overdoe, it was him that supported the Canadian Government by paying all that tax on the cigarettes.

And just to confirm, here's a little anecdote from Bill Hicks.

"Obnoxious , self-righteous, whining little fucks. My biggest fear is that if I quit smoking, I'll become one of you...Don't take that wrong. I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?.......Non-smokers die every day...Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurtling back to reality....You're dead too."

if you don't know about Bill Hicks, you should be shot instantly. you still have time till i get to you, download some of his stand-up comedies. remember, haka puku shaka, laka nuki daka. Alright? cheers on that...

hunger is anger

2005-12-16T16:20:00.000-04:00

bad news for me. Mr K has made more friends that he tries to talk to. I overheard this following coversation.

Mr K: lets see now, with what intention is my stomach growling?
Stomach: You fucking idiot, i need food!
Mr K: So does that make ME hungry or are YOU hungry?
Stomach: You're pathetic, you should rather talk to your tongue.
Mr K: Oi tongue, here are your options - hamburgers, fillets or kraft dinner...
Tongue: Shit dude, i don't wanna hurt your feelings but, you suck at cooking.
Mr K: Well guess what, you don't have a choice...
Tongue: You make my life a bitch. Lets see, make some kraft dinner, fry some fillets and throw in a lot of ketchup.
Stomach: Yeah, go ahead, blow me up like an air baloon.

Muscle #1: Hey listen up...
Muscle #2: What?
Muscle #1: We are in for some deep fried SHIT.

now that redefines the phrase "Mind and Body correlation". i hope Mr K would converse with me too, someday.

the nervous system

2005-12-16T03:23:00.000-04:00

So the other day, as i was walking around with Nietzsche, i turned to him and said "Well, I thought you're dead...". I never heard from him again.

when you're procrastinating...

2005-12-15T13:48:00.000-04:00

if you don't laugh your ass off on this, you're either a) a homosexual b) a shit face c) on LSD d) go to [a)]

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/33147/dizzy_kid/

have some fun while you're getting ready to fail your next final...

why i ignore you is not complicated...

2005-12-14T02:12:00.000-04:00

That there...that's not me
I go where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here
In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah, it's gone
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here
Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here....

From the track "How to Disappear Completely" on the album "Kid A" by "Radiohead"

nose-dive into the nerves

2005-11-24T18:31:00.000-04:00

life's a pain - pain's a bitch - denial is ignorance - ignorance is bliss - bliss is abstract - follow the leader - the leader stabs your back - agony is tears - tears are unbearable - fly to live - live to fly - water evaporates - memories don't - you can break both your legs and still walk down memory lane - beleif is a thought - thoughts contradict - finders keepers - losers weepers - losers weepers - losers weepers - losers weepers...losers weepers...losers weepers___losers weepers;;;losers weepers'''losers weepers,,,losers weepers///losers weepers***losers weepers...

denial multiplied by ignorance

2005-11-15T03:27:00.000-04:00

i turned away just in time to avoid collapsing...it wasn't her appearance that disturbed me - those staring eyes that were a full tank, the silky hair that wanted to fly with the winds, that face smothered with rain and tears, the body trembling with the coldness i flushed out on her - none of that bothered me as much the sound of her breaths that came at intervals whilst she cried...terribly haunting...

i managed to walk a couple paces away from her, trying not to focus on the era i ended...i try to think of a future, of another shining light to follow, of another reason to breathe. it's amazing how many thoughts the mind can browse within milli-seconds, making a minute seem like an eternity. i could still feel her standing right where i left her, left her dejected, sad, disappointed, broken, alone...

i knew, if i looked back now, the rain would stop, the trees will grow leaves, the sky would shine brightness upon our faces...

i guess i was a few milliseconds late...God had changed his mind...i turned around and i felt the earth dividing - a giant, hollow and vast canyon separated us...and i saw her again...motionless, staring at what she thought was her way out of her hell...there was no way out now, for me neither...i had just committed the crime of killing two souls...i had to go on with my decision, i had to walk away before she saw me shake, before she saw me cry...walking on fire or on thorns seemed like cheesecake after what i'd walked on - a heart...

sleeping trauma

2005-10-31T22:09:00.000-04:00

haven't seen the sun for a while. thanks to my fucked up sleeping routine. i go to sleep just before the cock-a-doodle-doo and wake up to see a swimming sun. fuck this. i deserve much more from life, i deserve to know what a day looks like. and how was i supposed to guess that caffeine had a half life of 6 hours? now my bones hurt. my joints crack. haven't even had my daily dose of nicotine. what do u care? i care about you (not) isn't that enough (not).

i'm not wasted

2005-06-04T02:23:00.001-03:00

Words of shit-dom

2005-06-02T02:32:00.000-03:00

Professor Ying Kong. Stop smirking, that is his REAL name. Currently teaching an introductory Macroeconomics course. Previously worked for Statistics Canada, and as a cashier for a massage parlour in ChinaTown, Toronto.

When explaining his views on water - "If you don't buy, you die, that's right?"

Economics teaches reasoning, and that quote is a bloody eye opener. Thank you foot long, err, King fucking Kong.

deflowered blogger

2005-06-02T02:12:00.000-03:00

Describing me in one word - Abstract. Yes, I'm purely and coincidentally FICTIONAL. I do not materially exist in your world, but I do. I sleep on the window ledge while he¹ takes the bed. No, I'm not his¹ shadow because I am too lazy to walk/run/crawl. But I'm there, painting his¹ thoughts. This is my pointless existence, in my pointless world - suck yourself into Town Abstract.

¹ He = The writer of this blog, the physically materialized person, the (not so) vacuum head. Mr K.